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2002-01-27 - 3:39 p.m. Miserable day. Oh, I got a cell phone and some nice clothes, but still miserable. I feel miserable. Nauseous, in pain, and depressed. My Luke is depressed, too. I didn't tell him because he should be worrying about himself, not me. He doesn't need to be weighed down with my stupid problems when he's feeling like that. It just wouldn't be fair to him. Oh, bwah. I just realized that yeah, he'll be reading this eventually and then will feel guilty on top of everything and oh, god I hate myself now. Knowing me, I'm going to put this entry up anyway. Because, I'm a cruel, heartless, lazy bitch. And there's no one in the world who wants anything to do with me right now. Not a single goddamn person. Everyone is all happy with their own lives and Leah's just expendable. I'm not a real person. I'm just entertainment. Hell, to most of the world, I'm a one-dimensional, happy, peppy person. Hah. Stupid people. I could do something useful with my existence. Maybe I should go to Africa and make blankets for the orphans. Or help the protesters carry signs outside of Genuardi's. Or find the cure for diabetes. But no. I'm just pathetic me, living a pathetic existance that no one cares about. But if I were to die today, everyone would make a big deal about how wonderful I was and what a horrible tragedy it was and all that bullshit. These are the same people who pretend like I don't exist now. Within a day or two, they'd get over it, have their "Too bad, so sad"s and forget about me again. People are good at forgetting me. Very good. Maybe I'm just easy to forget. Maybe I need to face up to the fact that I just don't matter. I think I'll lay in bed and go to sleep or something. Heh, I was going to say that sleeping's the only thing I can do right, but lately I can't even do that. So I guess I'll just sit here. I'm too lazy to move anyway.
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